Steven Snyder - Focused Passion

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To match with a licensed therapist today, go to Talkspace.com and enter promo code S80. Welcome to the Exit Coach Radio show, the show for baby boomer business owners who are looking for cutting edge information as they plan their 3 to 10 year business succession and exit. Every week we interview top professional advisors for. Their best tips, strategies, and precautions so you can be well planned. And don't miss our one minute exit coach tip of the day on exitcoachradio.com. And now here's your host, the exit coach, Bill Black. Welcome back, everyone. Thanks for listening. Um, I'm so pleased when guests come back and we can expand our discussions from prior interviews, and that's the case of my next guest. Before I get to that, I want to remind you. That we've interviewed several 100/750 advisors, authors, and thought leaders, and you can find all of their interviews archived at our audio library. Uh, that's uh 750 advisors, authors, and thought leaders categorized in 40 different categories, everything from family business issues to your health and well-being to life after exit, quite a few different topics. You can find all that at Exitcoachradio.com and don't forget our mobile app. available by putting an ECR mobile into your mobile phone. My next guest is uh Steven Snyder as I mentioned, he's been with us before. He's from Hana, Hawaii, which is my favorite place on the, on the planet, and he is the author of the book Focused Passion, How to Be Better, Faster, Smarter, and Happier with far less stress and much more passion. And uh I love talking with him. Steve, and welcome to the show. Thanks again for joining us once again. Thanks it's wonderful to be back. uh, I always enjoy talking to you. Thank you. It's a, it's my pleasure and um I want to get right into it. You talk about focused passion, and those two things together, um, conjure up an image that, uh, first of all, you finding that passion for a lot of people, and I've talked to a lot of people and they say, when I found my passion, it was like uh the clouds were lifted and, and I had new energy. Let's talk about what it means to be focused on that passion. Yeah, that really is the key, because, you know, focus brings the power of the conscious mind and passion brings to bear the power of the subconscious mind. And when the two minds come together in that marvelous way, focused passion, that's like the zone, the flow, it's the alpha brainwave state, and it's an amazing experience because, well, like focus your thoughts are like the steering wheel pointing you in the direction you want to go, but The passion is the gas pedal, you know, the passion is the accelerator that gets you moving, you know, intensely in that direction. So when you put that together, when you clearly see what you want and your heart is just engaged in that process, that's that's the most wonderful and powerful state the human mind can experience a total focused concentration, and amplified passion and interest in one thing. It's awesome. So the focus is the steering wheel and the passion is the gas pedal. Um, do most people have the vehicle, um, or there's a lot of people searching, let me put it this way. A lot of people are searching. They've done what they've done maybe for the last many years because, well, it's what they started off doing, it's what they had to do. And a lot of people are searching for that new passion, and they don't. Uh, they don't necessarily know what that is. How does someone go about figuring out, am I doing what I'm really passionate about or, or what should I be doing? You know, you just really put your finger on it. Uh, you can't figure out what, what your passion is because figuring out is a logical process, and passion is an emotional experience. Most people, so many people don't know what they want, and it's because they're trying to figure it out. They're trying to logically deduce it. They're looking at like a menu of what's available and, and trying to do deductive reasoning. Well it's not that, it's not that, it must be that. The only way you can actually ascertain the answer to the question, what do I want the most, you know. What is my passion is to go inside and ask your heart, what do I want the most and then use intuition. It's not a logical process. It's an intuitive process. What, what, what turns me on, what makes me excited, what, what gets my juices boiling, you know, it's, it's an emotional question you have to answer through an intuitive process, not through a logical deductive process. And so many people don't do that. They're just trying to look out there for what they want, like, like on a menu, but it's, it's not, it's not out there. It's in here. So sit quietly, use a process of uh like a meditation process, take a deep breath. Ah, calm the mind and then ask not just what do I want because there are potentially hundreds of answers to that question. It's what do I want the most? What do I want more than anything else? What would, what would be the most exciting thing I could possibly ever experience? That's what you want to ask. Well, well, a lot of people probably did that when they were children, and then they became adults and they said, yeah, I'd love to do that, but I've got to pay bills, I've got to raise a family. I've got a lot of responsibilities and I just don't see how, well, for, for most people, I would have to say, I don't see how um following that passion is going to get me where I want. Um and now, there's a lot of people that are re-emerging. At the back end of that cycle of raising families and children and saying, now I, I'm not so worried about uh paying the bills and financially I'm, I'm much better off. Um, now I can explore that and I've heard from so many people, I'm sure you have, that once they, once they did that exercise and it clicked in. There was a piece that came over them, like, yeah, that's it. That's, that's who I am. That's who I've been all along. Now I can actually do something about it. Is that an experience that you, you feel a lot of people are having as well? Oh, yeah. So, especially in, you know, our age, you know, in the 50s and 60s and 70s, you know, it's, it's, you know, when, when uh you've got some life experience under your belt and, and you've got your finances handled a little better, it's much You know, it feels much safer. See, that's that's the problem really is that people feel so unsafe that you can't access your intuition when you feel unsafe because, see, survival trumps self-improvement, you know, if you're, if ever, if you think about the human being like a like an automobile with the thoughts of the steering wheel and the fears the break and the joy. Happiness and love is accelerated. Well, it gets to the question of who's driving the car, and often it's the ego, the fear of survival part that's driving the car away from what you don't want, away from what you're afraid of. The problem with moving away from what you don't want is it doesn't necessarily move you toward what you do want. Usually, in fact, it doesn't. But when you feel safe. Then ego can sort of ride shotgun and you know, it'll take over at a moment's notice if there's any danger, real or imaginary, but your higher consciousness, your intuition can drive the car toward what you want, toward what you love, toward what makes you happy. So, so the secret is to feel safe. That's really one of the, the first secret to happiness to me is to feel safe. And, and the way you feel safe is to let your brain know you're not in danger. And the way your brain thinks you're in danger is by breathing shallow or holding your breath. And when you breathe deeply, The brain knows you're safe. So it's such a powerful breathing is such a powerful tool for the human mind. If you can slow your mind down and take a deep breath, your brain goes, Oh, I must be safe. If I was in danger, I'd be holding my breath. I'd be ready to run. I'd be ready to hit. But if I can take a deep breath, a sigh of relief kind of breath, then I feel safe. And that's the, that's really the induction to any meditation technique or self hypnosis or neurolinguistic programming or biopic. It always starts with the deep breath. deep breathing signals to your brain that you're sick. That's, that's a simple revolution for a lot of people. It's so simple and yet, uh, it makes so much sense. um, and, and so as a beginning point for people to, to, um, Enter into a zone where they don't have the vice grip around their brain, uh, and they can think freely and quietly and calmly and become and find their passion. That, that's sounds like a logical first step. What are some of the benefits of living with less stress and more passion? Well, um, I guess just happiness, you know, I mean, like, uh, well-being, that's such a powerful part. I mean, your previous guests, Dr. Jerry, who I've been a fan of for decades, was talking about happiness, and that's really, that's what when you ask people what do you want, you know, when they get down to the core of what they want, they want to be happy, which means they don't want to be afraid. They don't want to be. Living life in stress and there's so many benefits of doing that. You get to move toward what you want. You get the physical benefits of health and well-being. You get to feel safe. You get the experience of growth, success, fulfillment. There's just so many incredible benefits of being happy, and it all starts with feeling safe. and having a vision, a dream that you want and feeling like you're moving toward it, you know, one of the wonderful things is you really don't have to accomplish your goals to be happy. Happiness comes from moving toward getting what you want, even if you never get there, you know, just going there is what makes you happy. So, so have a dream. Feel like you're moving toward it. It's just such a wonderful fulfilling experience. And, and, you know, there's so many other benefits you get the idea of, of passion and enthusiasm in your life, the idea of, of, of positive thinking and optimism, you know, and to me, but besides breathing, there's one. So simple thing to do, to, to launch happiness in your life, and it's, I think it's the most powerful of all of them, and it's gratitude and kindness, you know, just feeling appreciative, feeling grateful, and experiencing being kind, those two things, gratitude and kindness to me is just the, the, along with breathing of the entry points to, to being happy and all the benefits accrued from just starting there. Amen. And so the, the attitude of gratitude, yeah, that's, uh, that's definitely a a way to, uh, and I've heard some people say, you know, start every day as soon as you wake up with the attitude of gratitude and it'll change your outlook on life. And let's talk about that, about, about, uh, some of the other benefits of having that positive like the back back to the Beach Boys, positive vibrations and and and how that impacts. And that that can help to um uh attract. Um, people, uh, uh, that can help you in your endeavors as well. Uh, I don't think we give enough credence sometimes to the impact of vibrations, uh, of, of everything that we do. And when we're stressed out, we're giving off those negative vibrations that repel people. But when we're in a positive mode, when we're pursuing our passion, we're attracting people and it's the kind of the law of the universe, isn't it? Yeah, yeah, it's so powerful. You know, you go to the supermarket and you go to the checkout stand and the guy or woman behind, you know, that's checking out, you know, is just dealing with unhappy people all the time. It costs you smile at them and say something nice, thank them for the service and you've made their day. They'll go home, they'll tell their family that that this person said this nice thing to them. you can change a whole person's experience of life by one positive smile and one positive comment. I remember I was on an airplane a couple of months ago, and you know how when the captain or the pilot comes out to use the restroom, they have to like lock the gate, you know, now these days since 9/11, well, You know, they're so used to people complaining about that, but I went up after that and I said to the stewardess, the flight attendant, I said, I said, thank you for keeping us safe. And they just beamed and they just, they, you know, when I got out of the restroom, they just pulled me aside and said, We're so grateful you said that to us, you know, that was such a power. Thing that people actually acknowledge that's what we're doing. We're not like trying to make their life difficult. We're trying to keep them safe. Sometimes just a smile and a positive comment beaming out that thing changes people's lives, and then of course they change people's lives and they change people's lives. It's, it's a wonderful experience and, and, um, you know, my, I think my favorite quote of all time, the Dalai Lama said, whenever possible, be kind, and it's always possible, you know, just that, just keeping that in mind, so powerful in my life. Whenever possible, be kind. So how does focus passion help be um better and faster and I understand smarter and happier. Um, how does it, how, how else does it help you to be more uh productive in your endeavors? Well, you know, human beings have positive and negative thoughts, and, you know, all our lives we're told about the power of positive thinking. But positive thinking doesn't mean you only have positive thoughts. It means do something positive with all of your thoughts. And one of the powers of focused passion is to learn how to be the observer, be mindful. Your thoughts and feelings and whenever you do have a negative thought or negative feeling and you want to have them, you know, they're valuable to have. What you do is you experience the negative thought or negative feeling and then you take a deep breath so the brain knows you're not really in danger. There's no, you know, you're actually safe and actually when you do that, your brain. Eliminates some of the power of that negative thought and negative feeling. It gets actually weaker. The only power a negative thought or a negative feeling has is to cause you to get stressed, you know, to cause you to hold your breath and tighten your muscles. But when you respond to a negative thought or a negative feeling with a positive experience, then it takes away. Anytime you face fear with a deep breath, the fear diminishes. Anytime you face fear it and hold your breath. So one of the powers of, of a focused passion is to learn to become mindful and pay attention. to your thoughts and feelings and to be able to experience and embrace your positive thoughts and positive feelings and to be able to experience and then release the power from your negative thoughts and negative feelings. And then every thought you think makes you feel good. I mean, it's so cool because when you have a negative thought you take a deep breath and you get these endorphins and the endomorphin and all these wonderful chemicals to your body that make you feel good. And so whenever you have a positive thought or a positive feeling you feel good, whenever you have a negative thought or a negative feeling you feel good, every thought you think makes you feel good and that's that's. The way the mind's designed. See, there is no self-sabotage mechanism built into the human mind. It's, it's all self-sabotage comes from holding on to your negative thoughts, not from having them, but from from experiencing them and tightening up and holding on to them and increasing the power of them. But if you experience them in a positive way, like, oh, I'm so glad I got that out of my system. Oh, it felt so good to release that thought or that feeling, then every thought you think makes you feel good, and that's the way the human mind's designed. That's fascinating. And you know, it sounds it sounds like, you know, what you're, what you're talking about is, is realizing that there are many layers of you, uh, many layers of, of each individual. And, and the is gonna react how the body's gonna react because it's been doing that forever, since as it was developed as an organism. And just because of that, the overriding the, the kind of top of self has to look down and and get back in charge and say, wait a minute, this is, this is fear. I know how to deal with fear or, you know, this is how it's complicated to explain, but the, the, the upper layer of Eunice, I guess, is saying this is fear, take a deep breath. Body, you're OK. Mind you're OK. Um, let's let's deal with it. Yeah, that that that. I'm sorry, that, that knee-jerk reaction, that autopilot thing is not who you really are. And, and that the real unice as you were just describing is that ability to look at those behaviors and choose to respond to them uh in appropriate ways. It's fascinating. I mean, the, the whole mechanism of the, the, uh, the spiritual side of the, of the body, um, uh, it is just such a fascinating topic and positive outcomes come from positive people and, and Stephen, we're sure glad you show. Tell us about your book Focus, Passion, How to Be Better, Faster, Smarter, and Happier with far less stress and much more passion. What kind of comments have you heard from people who have read it and who should read it? Oh well, gosh, go to Amazon and look it up. I've got like a dozen reviews and all of them are just blowing in one of all 5 star reviews, nothing but 5 star reviews, and you know it it's, I'm really proud of this book because basically it took me quite a few years to write it because it was a 550 page book that I had to bring down to like 100 and some odd pages, you know. Cause I knew that people don't read big old books, you know, I do, but most people don't. So, so I, I like it was surgery, like every paragraph I read, I would have survive without that? How would I say that in a shorter and more succinct way? And I got it down to really the essence, and that's what it feels like. It's just the essence of how to be better, faster, smarter, and happier, and it's all about living out of stress. By releasing your negative thoughts and negative feelings when they come up and by frequently taking yourself on little mini, mini meditations, little 22nd meditations, creating in your mind a peaceful place to feel safe and, and, and let go of the tension, anxiety, confusion. The antidote to feeling stressed is to feel safe, feel safe, not think you're safe. So by going in a little meditation to an imaginary peaceful place or a remembered peaceful place. The body, the subconscious doesn't know real from the imaginary, so the body and mind feel safe. In just 20 seconds, the subconscious mind is a long time, a long time. You have dreams see they're hours long and 3 or 4 seconds, so 20 seconds is plenty of time to let go of attention, anxiety, and confusion and replace it with relaxation, calmness, and clarity. So the secret to the book is to stress management. techniques one letting go of the the kind of stress that causes you acute stress, the way you respond to danger, mostly imaginary danger, worry thoughts and anxiety feelings, and to deal with the chronic stress, the accumulated overwhelm the stress by frequently taking yourself once an hour for 20 seconds on a little mini vacation away from the stressful world. Those are the two primary. Techniques involved in focus passion and in using those techniques you live your life better, faster, smarter, and happier. You, you, you do not multitask, you focus your passion on each individual event of your life, and by giving it your all, you do your best, you have your best experience. It's, it's really a wonderful book on how to live your life out of stress in a state of focused fashion. Well, you know, we all, we all plan vacations to reduce our stress and get away. So having a, a mechanism uh and a method to take many vacations even throughout the day, it sounds like a wonderful topic and a, and a great read. Again, it's called Focused Passion, How to Be Better, Faster, Smarter, and Happier with far less Stress and much more Passion by Stephen Snyder on Amazon.com. And Stephen, thanks very much again, pleasure to talk with you and aloha. Hope all is well with you and uh. Uh, we'll, uh, we'll be in touch again soon, I'm sure. Wonderful. I, I love talking to you, Bill. Thanks so much and aloha and Mahalo. All right, Mahalo. Thank you. Talk to you later. We're gonna take a short break. We'll be right back after this. Business owners, if you came back from lunch and there was a resignation letter on your desk, which employee would you really, really not want it to be from? What are you doing to prevent this from happening? At Exit and Retirement Strategies, we design plans that attract, motivate, and retain key employees. 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